So I am staying pretty busy, I am currently working on two major pieces of literature to correspond with two art installments that I am putting together, and hopefully I will be able to figure out how to post these pictures. I am working on five different art projects, such a “The Beauty of Brokenness” , “The Sevens”, “The Seasons”, and “The Life in Death”, and “Life Was So Much Simpler”
To Do List for My Life
TO DO LIST FOR MY LIFE!
Current mood: accomplished
Due to recent medical issues I have decided to go for all my dreams. It’s time to start living life to the fullest, because tomorrow was never guaranteed, and you only have one life. Why waste the time you are given, when you could make so much out of it, and life is always worth it even when your dealing with the hard stuff its still completely worth it, because without the bad we wouldn’t appreciate the good, if there were no darkness you wouldn’t recognize the light! So here it is my to do list!!!
1. First and foremost love God, and follow whatever plan he has in store for me.
2. Cherish my family, even when they make me mad. Even that is a gift.
3. Be there for my friends and love them no matter what. They are my guardian angels there to stand by my side as a light in the darkness.
4. Appreciate the simple things, because each of them are unique and beautiful. These are the things God made to bring us joy.
5. Love myself, God made me the way I am, and I am beautiful and unique in his eyes, when I love and obey him, I bring him joy. Can you believe that I bring the God who created the universe joy.
6. Forgive those who I feel have done me wrong. It’s not right to hold grudges because everytime you do, you let that person keep a piece of you. And besides that Jesus was crucified (which f.y.i. is excrutiatingly painful) and he prayed to God for there forgiveness, even when he was hurting so bad.
7. Forgive myself, for the things I have done to each other as well as myself. If God can forgive me I can forgive me.
8. Life everyday like it were my last, God put me here to live and love. Live each day to the fullest and love God with the entireity of my heart.
9. Fall in Love, it is the closest thing to heaven on earth and I want to experience it…I don’t know when nor do I care…but I do want a taste of true love if only for a moment!
11. Be a mom, I can’t imagine anything more rewarding than getting to raise a child, that’s a part of you. I want to be able to show my child love and teach them so many things.
NOW FOR THE THINGS THAT ARE EASILY ACHIEVED
11. Finish college, complete my Art Major, Biology Major, and hopefully and Music Minor. I absolutely love to learn and would hate to miss any of my education.
12. Sing in public…by myself
13. Take cooking classes.
14. Travel to Ireland.
15. Take Guitar lessons.
16. Travel to Italy.
17. Have my own Art Show.
18. Travel to Greece.
19. Write a Book.
20. Record a CD.
21. Take Belly Dancing Classes.
22. Start Taking Ballet again.
23. Travel to Spain.
The Value Of Art
The Value of Art
What is art, and what does it mean to the world? Art is a passion, a feeling, a way of expression and freedom, and even the window to the soul. Could art change the world? Possibly, but people would have to want it. They would have to be trained to take a deeper look, as opposed to how the world teaches us to see things. When an art student mentions Van Gogh, many people respond with a comment about him being the man who cut his ear off. Most would not give him any credit for the contribution he made to the artistic community.
One wonderful aspect of art is that it is never the same regardless of how talented the copycat may be. The reason for this is the fact that art is more than a picture, painting, or sculpture. It is a feeling that can never be faked. I honestly believe that if people were taught to look at each other the same way an art student is taught to look at art, the world would be changed for the better. They would take a deeper look at the kid sitting at the table by himself and maybe see something more than an outcast. They may see another person who actually feels something more than just the frustration of thinking “What am I going to do for fun this weekend?”
Art can also bring an unmatched comfort; it can heal emotional wounds that time can’t conquer quickly enough. For instance, if a person loses a loved one, and can’t cry but they want to express their grief, they can begin to allow the memories resonate in their minds, and then put it on paper. It reconnects them and every time they look at their creation they remember the good times. When another person sees that picture, they can see the smile that lights up a room and it makes them smile and other times it makes them feel that empty pain, and they know someone understands; someone else has been there too.
Art could truly make people feel again. In this world, we have become so desensitized to everything: truth, war, pain, and even some kinds of happiness. An artist’s job is to make people feel something, not necessarily what the artist himself feels, but to feel anything, even the slightest connection to another person. I desire very badly to spend the rest of my life trying to make people feel something with my art, even if the message is simply “you’re not alone.”
I’m No Ones Mariannet
I’m sick of you pulling my strings
Like I’m your mariannet
You play me like I’m just a pretty little thing
Get it right I’m not your little pet
Don’t play with me
I’m not a doll
I don’t know what you see
But I know you don’t know me at all
I’m done being your toy
I’m moving on from this
I need a man and not a little boy
I’m done believing all your lies
I deserve more than this
I see the truth in your lying eyes
Like I’m your mariannet
You play me like I’m just a pretty little thing
Get it right I’m not your little pet
Don’t play with me
I’m not a doll
I don’t know what you see
But I know you don’t know me at all
I’m done being your toy
I’m moving on from this
I need a man and not a little boy
I’m done believing all your lies
I deserve more than this
I see the truth in your lying eyes
Halloween is My Excuse
Its not Halloween yet
And I can’t get this mask off me
Can you see through my facade
I’m covered in the lies I’ve created
Who I am do you know
I guess what you reap is what you sow
I’ve sown nothing but this field of lies
And now I’m reaping my demise
I”m completely abstract now
Nothing recognizable or true will be found
Fake laughter, and fake smiles
These truths haunt me all the while
I’m so full of it
I’ll push myself into the pit
I hope to fall in
And never lie to myself again
I’ll be free when I fall
Let go of this fake me, mask and all
What Love Means to Me
The heart will forever be an unsolved mystery we can’t truly explain the things we feel. We just know that we do feel you can’t turn that on or off, its not possible. We are meant to feel things both the good and bad and in truth if there wasn’t any bad we wouldn’t truly appreciate the good things. I challenge you to think about how fragile they all are, the lengths we go to in order to protect the heart. However the things we do to protect our hearts often fail us. Sometimes we only end up shutting out the things worth feeling, those simple moments that make life worthwhile. Life is a gift one not to be wasted or taken for granted, but to be lived to the fullest. The time we are given is not guaranteed, its not insured, its simply an opportunity to experience the world and all it has to offer. Life itself is full of heartbreaks as I am well aware, but if it wasn’t for those the good things would we meaningless, if it wasn’t for loss I wouldn’t cherish my family, if it wasn’t for death I wouldn’t really know how precious life is, and if it wasn’t for heartache I wouldn’t desire love to the extent that I do… I’m not ashamed of desiring love the way I do…I firmly believe I was designed to want to feel that love, I am supposed to desire the greatest of all emotions. My whole life I have seen dysfunctional relationships and for the longest time didn’t believe in love at all, I only believed in heartache I tried to protect myself from something I had no control over none, and in the end that left me feeling more empty than the heartache did! So I had to choose was I to continue running, or take a chance at feeling something wonderful and real, and even if I am heartbroken again, in the end even that will be worth it just to know I took the risk and got to feel something.
Thinking about Love
Why does it have to be like this why is it easier to fall into love than it is to fall out? Is that how you know its real when its so wonderful that it’s all you want to think about. As Dr. Suess said “You know your in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams!” Unless of course the one you fell in love with doesn’t love you back then your dreams are your escape the one place where the one you love, loves you back how’s that for a harsh reality. And what is love anyways how do you know when its real? Is it when you love someone that loves you back, or is it simply when you love someone regardless of what they feel for you and you would be willing to put there happiness before your own. And how can you define whether love is true or not is it when they don’t lie or cheat or can they do that once it be forgiven and them still be your true love? I think love is simply this when you feel something so immense for another person, regardless of time, place, person, or their feelings for you! When just seeing them happy is worth the world to you, even if it means you’re not the person bringing them that joy! When you can’t get them off your mind, and its not just so much what you feel but what you hope that they are feeling or what you hope happens for them. I think the transition to true love is quite simple it is when the one you LOVE actually LOVEs you back…BAM… no need for argument with my previous statement…remember this is just my belief, its not based upon fact so it doesn’t have to be right to you, but it is right to me and for me. Another thing about true love you can’t argue who loves who more, because when its true love its infinite, and unchanging, yeah they may piss you off but you don’t love them any less you just don’t particularly like them so much at that moment in time. But you can not argue the degrees of each others love, plus that is by far one of the dumbest arguments I have ever witnessed truly I mean come “I love you more” ” No I love you more” “NO Baby I love you more” “Oh stop no Pookie Bear I love you more” ect ect see isn’t that the most ridiculous thing you have ever read… now imagine seeing that in person!!! But seriously I had to write this stuff down!!!
Randomness
hey ALL randomness has once again consumed and my mind is wandering down the dangerous path of thought, actually its more like a highway where no one uses turning signals, and everyone brakes are about to give out. Mine already did I’m on this road and can’t find the exit, and the speed limit is like onehundred and ninety, but I’ve come to this ultimate realization that there is a safety lane in spite of all this and it leads directly to the exit that I’m looking for and you know what it is, do ya, DO YA, huh WHAT? I bet you don’t its Jesus Christ, since the big church showdown I have found myself pulling even closer to God, I’m searching for the answers, and I’m beginning to find them its not about what church you attend or even the dramatics of it all, but its about seeking Jesus Christ and his completely pure and unfailing love, for me that love is like a towtruck that can pull anything no matter how big the dilemma, he can get you out you just gotta trust that he can do and back up or pull forward when he tells you.
That’s where it gets tough we are humans with freewill, which shows he loves us even more, honestly think about you parents they love you sure but if you do something wrong they don’t tell you how to fix it to them sometimes we are almost adults and we are supposed to be able to clean up our own messes, but sometimes that spill on the floor is just to big to clean alone, God isn’t like that, he is always there and no matter how big the spill is he grabs a papertowel gets down beside you and helps clean up the mess, all the while saying how much he truely loves you. Its a shame that sometimes as humans we miss that because we can’t comprehend. Sure God is sometimes hurt by our actions but he still loves us unconditionly, I wish we as humans were capable of an emotion as perfect and wonderful as unconditional love but alas we fall short of just human love, we fall short of forgiveness, we fall short of the glory of God, but ironically he stills gives it all.
Now I know some of you think I’m some christian uselessly rambling on about the nonexistent being, but if it didn’t have some truth and if you honestly didn’t believe in him and what I’m saying just a little then you wouldn’t have read this far down into my thoughts, you see them as religious and there not I don’t have or want a religion I want a relationship with God, he isn’t some distant being to me because I know him personally and he is my father, and not some nonexistant being. Anyways take how you like but this is what I know to be true.
That Which I desire
I just watched “A Walk to Remember” and for the first time in a long time, I couldn’t help but cry, for the first time I truly understood how hard the situation had to be. I finally understood why it made me so sad all the times before, I mean Landon chose to continuing loving Jamie and giving her all of his heart, knowing he was going to lose her. I didn’t realize how great of a love that was, and then I started thinking that God is put through the same thing as Landon everyday, he loves all of us knowing that some of us will never love him back, ever, and he gives love knowing that we may turn our backs or be swayed. And then their are those lucky enough to feel what jamie felt, here she was so sure of God, and how much he loved her even though she knew he would be taking her away. And that she wouldn’t get to achieve many of the things she may have wanted to , but she found comfort in the unending love of God. Not only that but she got to experience love, true love, she found a guy who loved her with everything he had in him, knowing that she would be taken away. Then there is Landon and his faith even after the girl who had his heart, was taken by the God she put so much faith in, he found comfort in that same faith. Crazy, huh…and I truly admire people like this and wish I could say that I had that much faith, I’ve never dealt with anthing nearly as catastrophic as what they did, I’ve always had it fairly good, but I can’t seem to find that same faith. But I will continue to strive for that faith. and yes i am aware that it was just a movie but people deal with this stuff everyday!
The Meaning of Life
The loss of those who have lived to be old and have discovered the meaning of life.
Yet they didn’t have the time to share it.
The youth were not told how to find it.
So they will spend their life searching only to discover it at the end of their lives.
But what about those who discover it sooner, do they keep it to themselves, or choose to share it.
I found the meaning of life at the raw age of eighteen.
My best friend taught it to me just by leaving this earth.
I always saw him share his hugs, his smile, or even just a simple hello.
He was always there for the 17 years i knew him being a friend, a big brother, a son, and a believer.
He loved God that was his pulse.
He loved his family and friends they were the very life that existed all around him.
I saw him love, the love that only he could give.
The 17 years passed and I had grown to love and adore him, he was my friend, my big brother, and my encouragement.
Then it happened he went to sleep, the sleep that takes a man’s soul for all eternity.
It really happened, the life I had known had been pierced by tragedy.
It never seemed real to me.
A piece of the puzzle of the familiar, of my life, was missing.
He was gone, I would have to put together a new puzzle.
Start a new chapter of my life without him.
But when I began writing it, I found some truth, one of those truths life buries so deep, you could spend your whole life digging and never find it. It was the meaning of life. And I am choosing to pass it on before the end of mine.
So I leave it with you my friend.
The meaning of life, one of the greatest truths of all, is to live it and not for wealth or fame, but to simply live it, find what makes you happy and do it.
Find something worthwhile and go for it.
But perhaps the greatest truth in the meaning of life, is to live life to the fullest for yourself and you beliefs, don’t let anyone write your story for you, its yours, and you are the author!
Yet they didn’t have the time to share it.
The youth were not told how to find it.
So they will spend their life searching only to discover it at the end of their lives.
But what about those who discover it sooner, do they keep it to themselves, or choose to share it.
I found the meaning of life at the raw age of eighteen.
My best friend taught it to me just by leaving this earth.
I always saw him share his hugs, his smile, or even just a simple hello.
He was always there for the 17 years i knew him being a friend, a big brother, a son, and a believer.
He loved God that was his pulse.
He loved his family and friends they were the very life that existed all around him.
I saw him love, the love that only he could give.
The 17 years passed and I had grown to love and adore him, he was my friend, my big brother, and my encouragement.
Then it happened he went to sleep, the sleep that takes a man’s soul for all eternity.
It really happened, the life I had known had been pierced by tragedy.
It never seemed real to me.
A piece of the puzzle of the familiar, of my life, was missing.
He was gone, I would have to put together a new puzzle.
Start a new chapter of my life without him.
But when I began writing it, I found some truth, one of those truths life buries so deep, you could spend your whole life digging and never find it. It was the meaning of life. And I am choosing to pass it on before the end of mine.
So I leave it with you my friend.
The meaning of life, one of the greatest truths of all, is to live it and not for wealth or fame, but to simply live it, find what makes you happy and do it.
Find something worthwhile and go for it.
But perhaps the greatest truth in the meaning of life, is to live life to the fullest for yourself and you beliefs, don’t let anyone write your story for you, its yours, and you are the author!
